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Ditka Origin Theory
Written By: Elysa Strathelar
Fiction
Some say Ditka was never born, some say Ditka always was. Those that say he was born are wrong. Ditka always has been, since the beginning of time there was gas, light, a little bit of firmament, Chuck Norris, and Ditka. For the first couple of billion years Ditka was bored, of course Ditka can fly around and stuff, there really wasn’t much to see. You can only see so many nebulas before they become old, not to mention nebulas are really wishy-washy astral formations who talk a lot of smack but never deliver. But that’s beside the point.
Then one day, there was a bunch of planets and Ditka thought that was really cool, because he could finally sit down after few billion years of wandering space. There were a few parallel dimensions that already had planets and civilization but Ditka wasn’t allowed to go there because all those dimensions already had Ditka’s in them. Sometimes all the multiverse’s Ditkas get together and talk about grilling techniques as well as infallible football strategies. Typically so many Ditka’s in a concentrated place creates rifts through the space time continuum that really makes unsightly catastrophic disasters that could implode an entire universe, so they hang out in Zoroaster’s astral plane because it doesn’t get much use anyways and is really only inhabited by small newts for some reason.