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Book: Lusty Argonian Maid

Written By: Crassius Curio, retold by Lil E Rexxion

Religion

The Lusty Argonian Maid



Preface

Come, my lad, let us speak
Come, my lad, let us talk
Scale to scale
Tip to tail
Fair maiden
Hist-maiden
And sap-drenched lad.

Act IV, Scene III, continued

  • Lifts-Her-Tail
    Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.

  • Crantius Colto
    Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?

  • Lifts-Her-Tail
    I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.

  • Crantius Colto
    So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.

  • Lifts-Her-Tail
    You embarrass me, sir!

  • Crantius Colto
    Fear not. You are safe here with me.

  • Lifts-Her-Tail
    I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!

  • Crantius Colto
    Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.

  • Lifts-Her-Tail
    But it is huge! It could take me all night!

  • Crantius Colto
    Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.

END OF ACT IV, SCENE III

Act VII, Scene II, Continued

  • Lifts-Her-Tail
My goodness, that's quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?


  • Crantius Colto
This loaf isn't ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.


  • Lifts-Her-Tail
If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?


  • Crantius Colto
Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.


  • Lifts-Her-Tail
You wish me to knead the loaf? Here?


  • Crantius Colto
Of course.


  • Lifts-Her-Tail
But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.


  • Crantius Colto
Don't fret, my delicate flower. I'll satisfy the mistress's cravings later.


  • Lifts-Her-Tail
Very well, but I'm afraid my oven isn't hot enough. It could take hours!


  • Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.

END OF ACT VII, SCENE II