Sweet ass introduction, that's what this is. Fucking action, explosions everywhere. You're hooked now, you will continue to read further. Time to introduce the ponies.
The tense and perspective is going to change very often, so GET USED TO IT. I'm talking directly to the reader, that's a hug no-no in writing, but I'm doing it anyway. Because I'm a badass. Buckle your seat belt and pull your pants up, because by the end of this you won't have any pants. Shits about to get crazy. Watch out, I cuss like a snake if "ssss" was a swear.
Fucking Twilight Sparkle up in here reading some nasty ass book doing some intelligent shit. Rarity is doing something related to fashion and shit, and she speaks like she's from Britain, even though she isn't. When she speaks, she speaks eloquently, even though Twilight is the only one that can speak like that at times. Rarity refers to Rarity in the third-person, because Rarity is the most badass fashion pony that ever walked across tThe worst fanfic ever