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You shall build
Written By: Adam Nore
Fiction
Armand was watching the evening news when he discovered the piece of plywood in his pocket. No one but his wife had access to his pants, and she had no reason to put it there. And he knew that he hadn't put it there himself. It was all very strange. But you cannot argue with plywood - it was there, and it intended to stay."What am I to do with this?" he mumbled, looking towards the hummingbird who was standing casually on the couch, pondering the situation with a peculiar look. Rotatota was her name, and she had a nest under that couch. Her answer was not to be mistaken."You shall build a magnificent palace and spend the rest of your life in luxury."Armand found it hard to believe that he, a simple hotel receptionist, could build a palace with nothing but a piece of plywood."Are you sure?" he asked."YES," the hummingbird thundered, "OF COURSE I'M SURE!"Then she flew out the window, buzzing her wings in frustration. "Mahpa repp leckomash," she said as she left. This translates to something like "My eggs are hatching, and Mahpa is their name."For the next five months, Armand worked hard planning the construction of his magnificent palace. Then he fetched his hammer and a sturdy nail. He placed the nail on the plywood and rammed it with the hammer. BAM! The piece of plywood broke in half.There was to be no palace. Not even a shed. And, obviously, there was to be no life in luxury."Armand, you fool," his wife Jucky-Moo said, "you know you shouldn't trust a hummingbird in hatching-fog.""Hatching-fog occurs when the eggs of a hummingbird are hatching. It is a fairly common condition in which only a third of the hummingbird's brain is functional. When in such a fog, the hummingbird simply cannot stop lying. Are there any questions?"Jucky-Moo is a highly regarded professor of hummingbirds, known for her interesting speeches. Armand was shocked yet interested. After his interest had settled a bit, he grew angry."Well, thank you very much, J-Moo, but it's only about five months too late! One thing's for sure, though. I will never trust a hummingbird in hatching-fog again."As always....He did.